Dear Livejournal Friends,

It's been a fantastic 7 years but all good things must come to an end. I've decided to relocate to a site that can better consolidate my various online creative ventures. I recently announced a newly revamped raganfox.com, which was just a glossier version of my old site. I've spent the last few days moving all my shite to WordPress and re-redirecting RaganFox.com to my new blog engine. Hopefully, some of you will continue to keep up with my life at the new old site. Check it out, http://www.RaganFox.com

xoxoxo,

Ragan

P.S. I plan to erase all the entries in my LJ account in one month. I will keep the account because I will continue reading all YOUR beauty.

“Beautiful Damage”


Joyce, my stepmother, lives in a dilapidated dollhouse;
sleeps in a king bed that holds the imprint of my deceased father;
and, on her outgoing answering machine message, claims that
“we” can’t pick up your call.

Joyce can’t afford to fix the floor of her dollhouse.
Termites feast by her feet;
carve holes under cracked linoleum;
and fracture the foundation
of the home she inherited.

Algae floats in the pool
in which my father took midnight dips.
Snakes slither from bayou to Joyce’s backyard;
they lay eggs in her pool-turned-pond
and poison water that runs six feet deeper than Dad’s planted.

Joyce’s dollhouse is the box magicians use to make cherished items disappear:
first, stepson; then, dad;
piece-by-piece, furniture vanishes.
“And for your next trick, bring them back,” she cries in her sleep—
next to the crater in her bed, an imprint,
or fingerprint, a sign of what was once dear
and here.

During hurricanes, Joyce hides in her dollhouse closet and
glides her once-manicured fingernails over moth-eaten fabrics—
PAST the beige dress worn at her wedding,
PAST perforated skirt suits,
PAST khaki slacks and shiny black slingbacks.
“What beautiful damage,” she whispers.

Joyce intended to sell her toy home,
soon after Dad died.
When she found out he hadn’t left a will,
she willed us away and sold what she could,
in a game of death’s payday.

The day of his funeral, we were each given trash bags
and told to ransack his closet for old ties, night shirts, and boxer shorts.
When asked about the diamond watches he wore on each wrist,
she flatly stated “Ebay” and then sent us on our way.

Now, in the darkest financial days since the Great Depression,
she cannot sell her Grey Gardens.
And each year, wood beams that hold up the vaulted ceiling bow a bit more.
Her house of cards is now stacked on fractured ground.

When she asks me to come visit her for Christmas,
I can’t bring myself to be her Little Edie.

Despite their faults, I love Joyce and the dollhouse in which I grew up;
but I won’t embed myself in the Tennessee Williams narrative
my stepmother has rendered with her paintbrush.

I refuse to live life in flashback,
no matter how beautiful
the damage.


(PS, BTW, EXILE IN GAYVILLE is now for sale on Amazon.com; go to http://www.amazon.com/Exile-Gayville-Ragan-Fox/dp/1590211073/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238646863&sr=8-1 )

Poll #1371316 Another book cover vote.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 78

Which do you prefer? Careful: The button to vote is at the BOTTOM of each cover.

More digital adventures from my favorite YouTube duo:

Love! No, no, no.
Only in my dream!
As real as it may see-ee-ee-eem,
it was only in my dreamsssssssssssssssss!

There's enough history for Obama to understand the implications of his choice. He's doing it to SEND A MESSAGE. The "we need to come together" refrain doesn't temper my ire. There's a RIGHT side to the gay rights issue. There's a RIGHT side to this history we are in the process of writing. This is the second time I've felt utterly dislocated from Obama's "hope" for "change," and he has yet to take office. Months ago, before he won the nomination and election, I complained about our president-elects empty, glitzy rhetoric. I'm still waiting for him to convince me that, when it comes to gay rights, he's got the courage to do the right thing. The Rick Warren controversy indicates that I'm in for 4, possibly 8, years of emotional manipulation by Obama. I'll say it one more time: The Warren controversy's been an issue long enough for Obama to appreciate the implications of his choice. THIS IS A MESSAGE. Are you listening?

I’m not one of those people who will endlessly romanticize a loved one after he dies. I acknowledge my father’s faults. Warts and all, I wish he were still around. My mother left us when I was a newborn. Dad took great pride in being both mother and father to me. I want to un-write “Heterophobia” with all the wonderful memories that have gone unspoken. Whenever we went on a drive, whether we traveled to a neighboring city or the grocery store, my head was affixed to my father’s lap. The route I traversed to his plump legs was filled with obstacles. My back performed painstaking acrobatics, twisting and turning around the car’s gearshift and center divide. Once my pink face landed atop his legs, I stuck a thumb in my mouth and mimicked the cadence of his breath.

My father desperately wanted to share his life with a woman. Throughout my childhood, I remember him making earnest efforts to capture the hearts of Houstonians. He penned heartbreaking and poetic ads placed in the singles section of the local paper, and reconnected with former flames. Abandoned by the same woman, we shared loneliness and, for a few months, a bed. Before Dad reconnected with Joyce, his last wife and soul mate, he let me creep into his king-size bed and sleep with him. Once again, I placed a thumb in my mouth and copied his inhale, exhale.

Now, if I may switch point of view, I’d like to address my father. Dad, I cried each and every day the year after you died. Lately, I pride myself in being able to talk about you without shedding tears. I accept all the new and hidden knowledge of your history and, despite the negativity, I love you all the more. You were such a profoundly wonderful influence on me. Everything beautiful I have produced, I owe to you. Now that I’m finally past my growing pains and have a solid sense of identity, I wish you were here to be my friend. I miss the days when you were a mere phone call away. I never got to tell you how much I appreciate how I could come to you with any problem, and you’d never express judgment.

The Alzheimer’s took a grip on your soul when I was around 19. I lost you when I was 28. Why couldn’t we have been father and son, or friends, when I finally figured out how to love people and be kind? Why couldn’t I have been more empathetic when you were sick? You deserved more from me than what my narcissism and self-pity delivered.

If I had one more day with you, I’d let you know how proud I am to be your son. I’d throw my arms around your fat waist and never let go. What does a son do when there’s no more breath to mimic?

For all my friends who experience trouble with their sons and daughters, know that love and perseverance make a difference.

My father’s not the man in the “signature” poem. He’s the guy who, after his death, left a hole in my heart for all the most glorious reasons.

ranked from favorite to least favorite

Superior, Must See
1. Milk
2. Iron Man

Great, Should See
3. Rachel Getting Married
4. Sex and the City: The Movie (Note: I'm a HUGE fan; it may not be "should see" for everyone.)
5. Burn After Reading
6. Batman: The Dark Knight

Good, See
7. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
8. Quantum of Solace
9. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

Okay, Rent
10. Baby Mama
11. Quarantine
12. Ghost Town
13. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
14. Teeth

Not Good, If There's Nothing Else to Do
15. Mamma Mia!
16. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
17. Cloverfield

Awful, SKIP
18. Penolope
19. Prom Night

-one of the many benefits of having a podcast with a cult following: a listener just offered to buy my airfare to australia.

-i haven't had sex in 3 months. feast or famine.

-my new book's coming out in march. i want to go to NYC at the end of march or early april to promote it. any slams want to book me? i'll be a polite, energetic feature.

-saw quantum of solace saturday night. not bad, not great. regarding the above note, i'm saving myself for daniel craig. in the next film, he better be shirtless in more than one scene. final note: when he discovers Fields covered in oil and dead in her bed, i thought, "a metaphor for America!"

-Tuesday night, i'm having a Real Housewives reunion party/fashion viewing/sunset BBQ. guests will don their finest She by Sheree and "fabalus" "jury" (aka jewelry) by Lisa. only people i've been knowin' for 3+ years may attend. all money raised at the event will go to my "foundation."

-i'm back at the gym and have a new plan. after talking to my ballet friend about wrist injuries, he told me to lay off the right wrist for a month. only 2 weeks to go! he recommended lower body 3 days a week and working the left side of my upper body 2 days a week. because i'm right handed, my right upper-body's a bit overdeveloped. it all works out ;-)

-Kashif Powell, one of my favorite graduate students, performed a solo show at NCA this weekend. the amazing Bryant Alexander was his respondent. i really wish i could have been there to see him kick butt. he's a great talent and one of the kindest people in our program.

-i really wish Kendra, Marty, and I lived in the same city. i also wish i lived in the same city as my sister, but i couldn't do NYC. hopefully, her future husband will live in LA.

-seriously, people, you have to watch Ghost Hunters on the SciFi channel. i got my sister hooked, now i have to convince the rest of the world. if you're a current fan of the show, how much did you love, "I like the one in the hat."

-i downloaded britney's new album. it's not as good as Blackout, but it's got a number of great tracks. my favorite is "Unusual You." i'm currently listening to "Heaven on Earth" from Blackout and wondering why this song was never a big hit. god, why am i as gay as i am?

"The Real Power Bottoms of West Hollywood"
by Ragan Fox


1. I don't keep up with the Joneses. I AM the Joneses.

2. I've legally changed my name to ReRe, which is pronounced "ree-ree."

3. For my 33rd birthday, I'm planning a sunset BBQ.

4. I'm wearing over 2 million dollars in "jury."

5. I've started a foundation call the Brown Eye Foundation. The organization helps struggling bottoms.

6. There may be a "crack in the foundation," but I WILL be a country western singer because I'm going to country singing boot camp. In the previous sentence, "foundation" is a metaphor for the pipe in my mouth; "crack" should be interpreted in its most literal sense.

7. #1 Rule to being my friend: When there's a "tightrope between you and me," you shouldn't be "tardy for the party."

8. I always knew I was destined for greatness. And by "destined for greatness," I mean I was meant to marry a sports star.

9. Next week, I'm having a fashion "viewing." The week after that, I'm planning a full-on fashion show, in which sketches of my clothing will be carried down the catwalk by caterers and male models wearing body paint.

10. And I won't even try to spin this one. If you're wondering who "Big Poppa" is, I can crack the code. "Big Poppa" is quite literally Kim's overweight biological father.

My new book, Exile in Gayville, is coming out in March, and I need somebody to shoot a high-resolution photo of me for the front and back. Can anyone help me out?

 “Nine Myths and Misconceptions about Gay Marriage”

by Ragan Fox

 

1. Myth 1: Gays already have the right to marry; they have the right to marry a member of the opposite sex.  I call this line of reasoning the “Elisabeth Hasselbeck defense,” because the statement is parroted ad nauseum by the popular, conservative co-host of The View.  The argument is ridiculous for obvious reasons.  In Hasselbeck’s world, marriage has everything to do with gender and nothing to do with sexuality, unless, of course, you are heterosexual.  What I find most deplorable about this argument is that it denigrates the very institution that anti-gay-marriage advocates trample on rights to “protect.”  As a Communication scholar, I have worked extensively to chronicle the lives and behaviors of older gay men.  MOST of the older gay men I interview were once married to women.  After years of marriage, the men came out of the sexual “closet” and divorced their wives.  As a relatively young gay man who grew up in the very red state of Texas, I have witnessed gay male peers who, after years of social pressure, marry women.  These marriages overwhelmingly end in divorce, broken homes, heartache, and shared custody of children.  Mrs. Hasselbeck, remind me what were you saying about the current right of gay people to get married and your wish to “protect” the institution of marriage. 
2. Myth 2: Allowing gay marriage ignores the will of the electorate, and, as a result, subverts the basic workings of Democracy.  Checks and balances are an essential part of our Democratic structures.  The “will of the people” is REGULARLY kept in check by the judiciary, especially when the tyranny of the majority infringes upon the rights of minorities and other marginalized groups.  Anti-gay-marriage advocates can’t arbitrarily PICK AND CHOOSE which parts of the constitution apply to the current debate.  When two laws conflict, the judiciary relies on precedent and judicial interpretation to determine prevailing constitutionality.  The history of civil rights in the United States has been shaped by such judicial legacy.  The recent emergence of the label “activist judges” and calls against “legislating from the bench” OBSCURE and MINIMIZE the role of the judiciary in interpreting law and protecting minority rights.  For the record, the California State Legislature has approved gay marriage one two separate occasions, only to have the legislation vetoed by a Republican governor.  The governor vetoed the legislation because he believed the electorate OR the State Supreme Court should determine the legality of gay marriage. The State Supreme Court legalized gay marriage.  Despite his vetoes, California’s governor is against Proposition 8, suggesting the state’s leader believes the judiciary trumps the simple, decreasing, and slight majority vote that eliminated the right of gay people to marry.  OVERWHELMINGLY, the DEMOCRATIC structures at work in California support gay marriage.       
3. Myth 3: Comparing the struggle for gay marriage to the struggle for integration is a “slap in the face” to black America.  Pointing out likenesses between the two movements is not the same as EQUATING the movements.  People compare the movements for a variety of compelling reasons.  Democratic protection of marginalized groups tends to come from the judiciary, a governmental body that relies on PRECEDENT.  Judicial precedent constrains and enables rulings of the court.  When asked to consider the question of gay rights, judges are obligated to look at subsequent cases with similar issues or facts.  The state of California has created domestic partnerships to appease gay rights advocates.  Domestic partnerships are, in theory, a SEPARATE BUT EQUAL institution.  The unions are said to provide rights NEARLY equal to marriage, but the institutions are separate.  Moreover, heterosexual men and women have access to BOTH institutions, meaning they may become domestic partners OR marry; gay people only have access to ONE institution.  The emergence of the “separate but equal” institution of domestic partnerships corners gay America into making obvious connections between the gay marriage debate and Plessy v. Ferguson and Brown v. Board of Education.    
4. Myth 4: Gay marriage is NOT a civil rights issue.  Rightfully categorizing gay marriage as a civil right is not the same as saying gay marriage is the Civil Rights Movement.  Civil rights refer to protection against public (government) and/or private sector discrimination.  Period.  ELIMINATING the right of gay people to marry is a CIVIC issue.  The California State Supreme Court leaves no room for interpretation; the court rules that, “The right to marry is not properly viewed as a BENEFIT or PRIVILEGE that a government may establish or abolish as it sees fit, but rather that the RIGHT constitutes a BASIC CIVIL OR HUMAN RIGHT of ALL people.”  Eliminating that right because a simple, rapidly decreasing, and SLIM majority find gay people to be categorically different than heterosexuals is prejudicial.  One more time: Civil rights are not exclusively tied to the U.S. Civil Rights Movement.  Civil rights are not the exclusive purview of black America. 
5. Myth 5: Gay marriage is a white, elitist gay movement.  Before I dispel this myth, I would like to throw full support behind anyone who might critique racism in the gay community.  Gay organizations and leaders certainly need to conduct more race-targeted outreach, both inside and outside the gay community.  That said, the marriage debate’s exigence was created by state organizations legislating anti-gay discrimination in the form of marriage “protection” laws.  This is the bittersweet irony of the gay marriage debate.  Homophobes put the issue on gay radar.  After Lawrence v. Texas, the U.S. Supreme Court decision that ruled sodomy laws violated the 14^th Amendment, I distinctly remember religious leaders suggesting gay marriage would be the next “battle.”  Numerous religious and state organizations, in turn, began legislating gay marriage bans.  In response, gay people challenged the constitutionality of such bans in the judiciary.  Gay people, across the board, have been cornered into the gay marriage debate.  Keep in mind, gay marriage is incommensurable with Radical Feminism and the Queer Movement.  Several people who identify as “queer” have had to rethink their stance on identity politics, because homophobic legislation incited many of them to say, “ I may not want to get married, but I certainly don’t want the state to deny me that right based on prejudicial attitudes against gay people.”  
6. Myth 6: Black people are a PRIMARY reason why Proposition 8 passed.  When I first read that 70% of blacks voted in favor of Proposition 8, I was hurt and angry. Let me clarify: When I read the news, I was already hurt and angry that Proposition 8 had passed. I think it's human nature to want to point the finger and play the blame game when you're in the midst of being humiliated and scorned.  For the past few days, I have felt utterly conflicted about the 70% statistic. I have walked a line between anti-racist critique and genuine concern for a statistic too salient to ignore. The black scapegoating meme is like wildfire, burning through the gay blogosphere and fanning flames (so to speak) of racism that are and have been ever-present in the gay community.  The statistic doesn't tell us much; it's based on a relatively small sample size and exit polling, a statistical medium that has, time and again, proven faulty.  NUMEROUS communities polled at, close to, or above the 70% statistic. Singling out black men and women is prejudicial and racist. The number opens up a world of opportunity. The gay community needs to improve lines of communication with black people.
7. Myth 7: Promoting gay marriage promotes an unhealthy lifestyle.  This is another paradox in anti-gay-marriage logic.  Opponents of gay marriage frequently cite studies that suggest gay men are more promiscuous, and therefore more prone to disease.  They then use this information to justify their homophobic stance on the marriage issue.  Here’s the paradox: Marriage, as an institution, promotes monogamy, which in turn transforms gay marriage into a public health issue.  In other words, promoting monogamy in the gay community would probably decrease promiscuity and, as a result, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.  Note: I don’t mean to judge promiscuous behavior.  I simply hope to point out the flawed logic of the “gay lifestyle” argument.   
8. Myth 8: If gay marriage is legal, children will be exposed to the “gay lifestyle.”  I assure you that, if gay marriage is re-legalized, students will not be bussed to gay bars and forced to engage in gay sex acts.  California has very strict “opt out” laws that guarantee parents the right to opt their children out of educational themes they feel may violate their religious and moral beliefs.  When a person challenges the idea that gay marriage rights and the curriculum of children are different issues, he or she tends to fall into a rhetorical trap set, perhaps inadvertently, by pro-8 men and women. Responding to the argument usually results in accepting the flawed logic that teaching children about gay people is wrong, immoral, and unhealthy. The trap reminds me of many pro-Obama supporters who fervently deny their candidate is Muslim but never seriously address the question, “What difference does it make if he IS Muslim?”  Keep in mind, teaching children that gay people exist DOES NOT TURN CHILDREN GAY, nor does it indoctrinate them into the “gay lifestyle.”  If things were that easy, I would have been indoctrinated in the heterosexual lifestyle a LONG time ago.        
9.  Myth 9: If my religious leader doesn’t perform a gay marriage, he will be thrown in jail and my church will lose its tax-exempt status.  Wrong.  This is a red herring and fear tactic used by anti-gay-marriage bigots to obscure the issue.  When the California State Supreme Court ruled in re Marriage Cases, they explicitly state that no religious leader or institution has to perform same-sex marriages.  Finally, denying gay marriage rights infringes on the will of religious institutions that recognize and perform gay marriage.  Denying these rights also potentially forces thousands of gay people to divorce.     

 

 

For the past week, I've been speaking out against what I perceive to be racist interpretations of exit polling regarding Prop 8. I feel like black men and women have been unfairly treated as a monolithic group and targeted as a primary reason why the proposition passed. I was reading a friend's Facebook photojournalism today and was particularly moved by the following entries, bits of picture and narrative that should remind all of us that racist generalizations undermine the very real, salient, and beautiful contributions of many individuals. The photos were taken at the West Hollywood protests in LA on 11/12.



This woman was awesome! She circled the block over and over honking her horn in support. When the cops threatened to ticket her she took to the sidewalk!


She would park a few blocks ahead of us and get out and cheer us on with her kids. We saw her over and over and over again. Whenever we caught a glimpse of her the whole crowd cheered her on as well!


GOOD woman... GREAT mom!!! Imagine the important lesson those kids learned! If anyone knows who she is you have to let me know!

1) . . . claim saying gay liberation and the civil rights movement are analogous is a "slap in the face" to black people, I will scream. Pointing out obvious likenesses between the two social movements is not the same as saying the movements are the same.

2) . . . claim gay marriage is not a civil rights issue, I will scream. For the record, rightfully categorizing gay marriage as a civil right is not the same as saying gay marriage is the civil rights movement. Civil rights refer to protection against public (government) and or private sector discrimination. Period. One more time: civil rights are not exclusively tied to the U.S. Civil Rights Movement. Civil rights are not the exclusive purview of black America.

3) . . . suggest gay marriage is a top priority of white, elitist gay men, I will scream. The marriage debate's exigence was created by religious and state organizations preemptively legislating anti-gay discrimination. This fact is the bittersweet irony of the gay marriage debate. Homophobes put the issue on gay radar. When the US Supreme Court overturned sodomy bans, I distinctly remember religious leaders suggesting gay marriage would be the next "battle." Gay people, across the board, have been cornered into the gay marriage debate. Keep in mind, gay marriage is incommensurable with the goals of radical feminism and the queer movement. Several people who identify as "queer" have had to rethink their stance on identity politics because of all this.

I am equally grossed out by racism in the gay community and homophobia in all communities, and I include the internalized homophobia of gay men in this critique. The "slap in the face" histrionics denigrate the spirits of gay people and gay history.

This is my proverbial line in the sand. I can't have friends who, as the saying goes, throw the baby out with the bath water when it comes to gay marriage. If you are against gay marriage, regardless of convoluted excuse, you are on the wrong side of history, the wrong side of the issue, and are no friend of mine.

When I first read that 70% of blacks voted in favor of proposition 8, I was hurt and angry. Let me clarify: When I read the news, I was already hurt and angry that prop. 8 had passed. I think it's human nature to want to point the finger and play the blame game when you're in the midst of being humiliated and scorned. My LJ friend Micah recently chastised Dan Savage for making racist remarks about prop. 8, and I foolishly gave Savage the benefit of the doubt and tried to offer alternate ways of interpreting the columnist's words. For the past few days, I have felt utterly conflicted about the 70% statistic. I have walked a line between anti-racist critique and genuine concern for a statistic too salient to ignore. The black scapegoating meme is like wildfire, burning through the gay blogosphere and fanning flames (so to speak) of racism that are and have been ever-present in the gay community. Before I talk about gay racism in more detail, I would like to speak briefly about the popularly-cited 70% statistic. First, the statistic doesn't tell us much; it's based on a relatively small sample size and exit polling, a statistical medium that has, time and again, proven faulty. Second, NUMEROUS communities polled at, close to, or above the 70% statistic. Singling out black men and women can be read as NOTHING BUT racist. Finally, the number opens up a world of opportunity. The gay community needs to improve lines of communication with black people. Instead, I fear many of us have decided to take an alternate route.

I recently learned that a gay, black UCLA student was, on numerous occasions, called the N-word by other gays and lesbians at the LDS Church protest. This shit has to stop. I implore my friends to put an end to this meme. When you see a blog post that incites hatred for black people for Prop. 8 passing, post a link to the entry and direct all your friends to challenge racism in the comments area of the blog. There seems to be a lot of unquestioned group think going on in the gay community. I have a sinking feeling that if this problem isn't squashed immediately, things are going to get much, much worse.

One final note to friends who aren't gay and black: Imagine how difficult, bittersweet, and confusing this week has been for gay black men and women. This is time the gay community should be throwing its arms around its black members.

I don't know what else to say. This is all so fucked up.