Many of my friends know that I'm a lesbian expert. I know the TRUTH about lesbians. Recently, my friend Beth asked me the following question on MySpace:

my dearest dr fox. can you please tell me what the correlation (sp) between being a lesbian and attending a renaissance festival would be? is it written in the labian handbook somewhere? since i'm not a full time muff-diver, i was not granted access to all chapters.

is it mandatory? judging by the girl on girl action present at opening day of the arizona ren fest, i'm assuming it is required.

anyhoo, just thought you could shed some light on this subject for your dear ol' pal.

My answer:

Well, Beth, this is something of a trick question. See, all lesbians are born AT the Renaissance fair. They have to spend the first five years of their lives cutting the lumber that makes the makeshift Renaissance cities.

Most lesbians don't return to the fair after they visit Santa Fe and learn the mysteries of turquoise jewelry.

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If YOU want to know the truth about lesbians, feel free to ask a lesbian-related question in response to this post.