This may sound funny and I'm sorry for implicating my friends list, but I was kinda' upset more people didn't say congratulations when gay marriage was legalized in California. It's not like I'm mad at anyone, I'm just surprised. The California victory is monumental. I suppose it may be easy to overlook and take for granted the impact of marriage rights when they're a given in your own life.

I live in a community that has had almost an entire generation wiped away from the AIDS pandemic. In my community, many men bolster the stereotype that gays sleep around and can't commit. I think--no, I believe quite strongly that a significant portion of the gay community's sexual and relationship-oriented indiscretions can be explained by a lack of formal and recognized legal commitment. When gay marriage ban advocates talk about the destructive habits of gay men outlined above, I find their arguments utterly ironic because legalized gay marriage would help challenge many of the lifestyle choices they find so unhealthy and deplorable. (I'm not saying that I think these things are deplorable, I only mean to point out the paradox.)

After gay marriage was legalized in California, I thought of my new potential and weeped, literally weeped. A husband? Kids? People to take care of me and love me as I grow old. Growing up, I never had a future. I never dared to dream of life past 30. I'm almost able to do dream of these things. I'll exhale after the November election.

I normally love watching presidential election results. To me, they're like the Olympics: they happen once every four years and I normally cheer for the underdog. This year will be a particularly difficult year for me to sit through the results. In November, a simple majority of California's population will determine whether or not gay marriages will continue to happen in my state. Watching the vote results on TV will be heartbreaking, regardless of the outcome. I can't sit and watch these numbers go up and down, numbers that affirm and negate my humanity, my rights, my future. While, in the state legislature, it takes a super majority (2/3rds) to amend the state constitution, the document can be amended by a SIMPLE MAJORITY of the popular vote. I'm dumbfounded by anyone who has the audacity to suggest that the rights of less than 10% of people should be put into the hands of a SIMPLE MAJORITY of the population in a popular vote, even if that simple majority contradicts the will of the state legislature, governor, and state supreme court.

Soon after gay marriage was legalized in California, I hear a conservative pundit ask Dan Savage if he planned to raise his kids gay. It's a stupid, cliche, shameful, and ridiculous argument to ask gay parents. The obvious retort: "If all kids copied the sexuality of their parents, Savage would be straight." I've given a lot of thought to this pundit's question and have made some sense out of his idiocy. Of course some straight folks think that gay parents will raise their kids to be gay. They probably think this because our culture rigorously raises children to be straight! Heterosexuality is taught in almost every U.S. institution, from churches and the Boy Scouts to public schools and sports clubs. Gay children face the threat of being ostracized and cut off from their families. Gay parents have gone through the burdens of a socialization that does not coincide with their natural inclinations. Because of this, they know the importance of not pushing a sexual identity down the throat of a child. Still, the routinization of HETEROSEXUALITY is inescapable, even for the children of gay men and women.

I write all this today because I was (and in many ways continue to be) a kid who never saw my future reflected in TV shows and movies. "Happily ever after" never included me. But I'm starting to believe that it can. Despite my fears, I think gay marriage will prevail in the California's November election. I believe that, with all its faults, marriage will have tremendously positive implications for gay men and women. I believe.